I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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