Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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