if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
