I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
