so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
