just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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