thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
