giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
