So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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