So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I need moral support for this bender
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Randomize
