I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
