He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
