i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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