He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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