You're so nebulous sometimes
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
