My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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