why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
