Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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