You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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