I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
PANTIES FOUND
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