i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
