i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
