just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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