I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
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apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
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Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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