Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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