i'm signing you up for texting rehab
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
