I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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