I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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