Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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