Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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