Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
