he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
