Me too!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Randomize
