Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
