Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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