Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
