I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If I die, sorry about rent.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
