There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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