I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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