I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
