Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
