A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
