You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
