he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
