he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
