Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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