you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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