I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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