I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
