I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
