Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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