I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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