if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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