My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
