1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
