I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
