It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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