Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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