exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
