I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i love accidental penises.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
